APRIL FOOLS': Horizon West launches competition for bankers, dentists

Instead of trying to outdo one another with over-sized mailers and ridiculous Facebook ad buys, banks and dentists in Horizon West will be engaging in a new, albeit unorthodox, method for business supremacy.

Dubbed the Tooth and Teller Games, this new competition — set to take place in the Hamlin Green Space (of course)  — will pit dentists, hygienists, bankers and loan officers against one another in an Olympics-style competition. 

Dentists will compete in categories such as the Root Canal Race, Floss Relay and the Deciphering Derby, in which dentists will compete to see who can understand their patients’ words the clearest when their mouths are full of metal tools and water.

For bankers, there will be a paintball-style war using banknote ink packs, the ever-popular Pneumatic Tube Dash and the Interest Rate Calcula-Thon.

“Look: We realize the area is over-saturated with these two particular businesses,” Horizon West Marketing Manager Arthur Austin said. “Sure, we’d love to have more exciting businesses — putt-putt golf, a Hot Topic or a Dippin’ Dots. But, short of kicking out all the banks and dentists, this is the next best thing. We believe the community will really come out to support this wonderful new event.”

Although a date for the Tooth and Teller Games has not yet been set, Skyline Chili already has committed to handing out free cheese coneys.